Thanks to ewokmama for the idea of this entry.
I say only motherhood because that’s the sex I represent and the only one I can speak for, but I am sure it is very similar for fathers.
Most women suffer from post-partum depression after having a child if they suffer from any form of mental health issues.
I have experienced it from time-to-time, but I think that my anxiety outweighs it. What I mean is whenever I begin to feel depressed, I try to distract myself by becoming preoccupied with a task or something visual. Then I become obsessed, especially with tasks. I can become so focused that I’ll neglect Aidan…not that I don’t take care of him, I just do what I need to and not give him that extra attention. I feel like a bad mother a lot of times.
Usually I will catch this and distract myself from myself by playing with him. Isn’t it funny that I have to distract myself from me instead of him??
He’s a relatively quiet baby and of course, he still sleeps a lot, so I get those moments to myself to take care of business. But I hate stopping in the middle of something and it drives me nuts until I can get back to it.
I try to have too much control over certain things in my life and will drive myself crazy trying to accomplish these feats, which sometimes I never do. This is where I become anxious and uptight. Then I get fussy and bitchy.
I have learned to manage this anxiety since having Aidan, but it’s still an underlying issue. I can only keep it at bay for so long.
I think it’s time to start looking into therapy. I do well talking to Mike about it, but there’s only so much he can do until it becomes a nag in his side.
I have OCD, by the way and supraventricular tachychardia. I’m a wreck. lol