I called the doctor and this is what he said…

I’ve decided that I need to give medicine a try. A friend at work made a recommendation for my anxiety and edginess lately, so I called my doctor to see if he would be able/willing to help me out.

I informed him that I have no insurance, but that I really need help because I have an infant and work with kids.

I believe that my birth control has a lot to do with it. Mike says I’ve been this way since he’s known me…okay, if so, I need to fix it. I’ve tried meditation and exercise, breathing…all those techniques and they don’t work for me. I feel weird because I’m always counseling teens on how to manage their behaviors and how to respond appropriately to their feelings, yet I can’t make it work for myself.

My BC is Mirena and I believe it comes packed with hormones. I haven’t felt normal since having it placed in my uterus. Thing is is that I can’t afford to have it removed nor can I afford to not have BC. It would cost about $460 to have it removed.

I called my doc and talked with one of the nurses. She said she’d talk to him and get back with me. (They’re very personal there. They treat you like family.)

She told me it’d be $75 for the visit and he wouldn’t charge to write a prescription. I can’t afford that.

Luckily we have EAP at work – an Employee Assistance Program – that I utilized once before when I hit that deer. Jennifer told me that it’s for ALL employees: part-time, full-time, PRN…whatever. So, I’m going to call and set up an appointment to see my therapist again.

I’m sure those of you at Fornits will love twisting my words around to make me sound looney, like I need to be commited at a hospital. This is frequent after childbirth and with body changes for us hormonal and emotional women.


Weight loss progress #2

Since last time I weighed myself, which I think was 2 weekends ago, I have lost 4 lbs!!!! (*Edit: It was actually 12 days ago). I now weigh 139 lbs.!

It’s very noticeable, too! My pants that I wore before I was pregnant are fitting better and some are actually getting somewhat baggy!! I can comfortable wear my favorite blue jeans now!! I don’t ever want to take them off. I love it.

Seasonal Affective Disorder

a.k.a. SAD – ironic, eh? 

According to the DSM IV (what psychologists/psychiatrists use to diagnose disorders, etc)…

Stolen from the aafp’s website:

Diagnostic Criteria for a Major Depressive Episode
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  1. At least five of the following symptoms have been present during the same two-week period, nearly every day, and represent a change from previous functioning. At least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure. NOTE: Do not include symptoms that are clearly due to a general medical condition, or mood-incongruent delusions or hallucinations.(1) Depressed mood (or alternatively can be irritable mood in children and adolescents).
    (2) Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities.
    (3) Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain or decrease or increase in appetite. |
    (4) Insomnia or hypersomnia.
    (5) Psychomotor agitation or retardation.
    (6) Fatigue or loss of energy.
    (7) Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
    (8) Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness.
    (9) Recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.
  2. The symptoms are not better accounted for by a mood disorder due to a general medical condition, a substance-induced mood disorder, or bereavement (normal reaction to the death of a loved one).
  3. The symptoms are not better accounted for by a psychotic disorder like schizoaffective disorder.

Reprinted with permission from American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994:327. Copyright 1994.


Criteria for Seasonal Pattern Specifier
  1. Regular temporal relationship between the onset of major depressive episodes and a particular time of the year (unrelated to obvious season-related psychosocial stressors)
  2. Full remissions (or a change from depression to mania or hypomania) also occur at a characteristic time of the year
  3. Two major depressive episodes meeting criteria A and B in last two years and no nonseasonal episodes in the same period
  4. Seasonal major depressive episodes substantially outnumber the nonseasonal episodes over the individual’s lifetime

Reprinted with permission from American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders. 4th ed. Washington, D.C.: American Psychiatric Association, 1994:390. Copyright 1994.

So, I’ve believed for some time now that I have this condition because when winter comes, I get really depressed. I feel lifeless at times…like I have no purpose but to just walk around bundled in warm clothing and do nothing. When warm weather returns, I perk back up, although, I’m not a happy little hippo. I just feel a lot less depressed.

I dread this winter because it will be my first non-pregnant, hormonal winter. I know it’s getting ready to get worse; worse than it has ever been. I’ve never been on birth control and thus far, I’ve felt like an on-edge crazy woman for the most part. I’m not sure if I want to endure this for the next 5 years.

Will it ever get better? Will this irritability subside? How long until I feel normal??

weight loss progress

Since deciding to return to my habit/diet of eating 5 small meals a day, I have noticed a difference over the past 2 weeks.

Two weekends ago (22nd & 23rd) I weighed myself on a scale at work the nurses use, so I trust it. I don’t trust my home one. Last time before that I had weighed 146. I now weigh 141 lbs.!!! According to my home scale I weigh 136, which isn’t true, I don’t think.

Since I weighed myself 2 weeks ago, I know I’ve lost even more since then because my pants are getting looser and my stomach is getting flatter. I just wish I could tighten it.

That’s where I’m going to start working now: tightening the skin by doing sit-ups, crunches, etc. At first when I did this, I had all of that extra weight that my body wasn’t used to supporting so my back would hurt along with other areas, like my knees.

I can’t wait to weigh myself at work this weekend!!

Another benefit of the 5 small meals a day is that my energy is maintained and I don’t feel so hungry when I get hungry. I don’t pig out when I sit down to eat. My stomach has definitely shrunk because I tried to eat more at work last weekend because it was a good dish and I couldn’t. I had to waste the food.

It’s been a while since I’ve done that. I was still eating for two after I had Aidan!!

Last night Mike told me he could see a difference in my face.

I’m so glad to be getting the old me back!!

Hands & Feet

It’s been a little while since I’ve updated. I’ve been super-busy with painting Aidan’s/the kids’ room. (It’s more Aidan’s than anyones since he lives here full-time).

I decided to do stripes on the lower half and yellow on the upper, and across the ceiling. It’s a very tedious task, painting nice, neat stripes. It took me all of last week to finish what you see in the pics. Today I painted the yellow. I’ll post pics at the end of my entry.

Other than this, Aidan has been growing up! He’s my little man! He wants to sit up all the time – with my help of course. He’s been eating more and more solid food. We have moved from bananas to applesauce. He loves both! And he’s so messy. I had to invest in a plastic bib and I now know what I can use the cheap burp cloths for!!!!

On Thursday he discovered his feet. When he sits up, he’ll grab one foot and wiggle it. Today while I was changing him, he grabbed it while laying down. Yay!! Next will be his sac. lol

He also has been trying his damnedest to roll over. He almost did on Friday when Mike came home, but then got excited to see his daddy and forgot about trying. He’s rolling from his back to his stomach. Most literature that I’ve read says that infants usually learn the opposite first.

I plan to do a photo shoot with him this week since he can now raise up on his elbows. Time for some new black and whites!!! I’m excited and busy!

So much to do: A woman’s work is never done. Right Jess?! 🙂

I try to stay off the computer as much as possible so that I’m more productive at home. I’ve done good so far! Now if I could just get down an exercise routine.


So this is one of my pet peeves: obesity, in general, but moreso in children. Thus, I will talk about the latter.

I watched a Maury show on this same issue where 3 different kids under the age of 4 were introduced. One little girl was 3 y/o and 120 lbs.!!!!! The other girl was 90 lbs. and the boy was 4 and 120lbs.!!!!

Forget trying to control any of them during a temper tantrum!

I have a huge amount of disdain for parents who allow their children to get grotesquely overweight. Fat. Or maybe they don’t allow them; they just turn the other cheek and put up with it. This is neglect people! Abuse as well. Knowing that obesity can cause severe growth dilemmas and lots of health issues and sitting back and allowing it is careless. It’s wreckless behavior for the children. They have to learn discipline and they aren’t going to be able to learn good eating habits on their own. They require help!

It’s like putting a teenager in a car and expecting them to be excellent drivers and to know how to maneuver tough situations. It’s not going to happen on it’s own.

I would love to have a few words with some of these parents: both the pompous ones and the ones who try to act like they did everything they could. Bullshit!

I’ll add more tomorrow. It’s late.


My body is starting to really return to it’s pre-pregnancy state. Healing takes a lot longer than you think. Well, longer than I thought.

Last week I sat down on the ground outside and when I plopped down on the ground, I discovered that I’m still tender as it felt like I had just fell onto some monkey bars or something. I couldn’t move for a few minutes. I still need to be cautious about certain things like that, but I just don’t think about it because I feel ok otherwise.

My stomach is still flimsy and covered in stretch marks, but they are diminishing. I started using some cream for stretch marks and it’s really helping. And two weeks ago I started exercising, doing lots of crunches and sit-ups. The ones where you twist really do the trick. I’m starting to see the two lines on each side of my belly again. Yay for curvature!!

If I work for one more month I’ll bet there will be a dramatic improvement. The flimsy belly has really saddened me. I’ve always had a nice flat stomach. But I accepted that it was all for a wonderful cause and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

But I will tone it up now!